Dislusion. Happy.
Somehow been pretty happy this few days, except for an hour when I got kinda stressed. I think I'm learning how to smile in the face of death =) Heh. After all... life still goes on. And life may be more precious than everything in it it. though I'm not convinced abt this...
But sometimes. I think. It's as if I'm overdoing it, to the point that being happy is just a delusion. I dunno. I think I've been having nightmares *chills. Work is all undone. *sigh. And I'm still happy =) Ok stressed is no use. But maybe I'm going bonkers...
Yesterday slept past 1 after doing space science helpsheet. I was on MSN talking to MS... helpsheet undone at 12. And I was somehow so so so happy despite everything. Good or bad. I dunno. In our world. The sky's not always blue. Or maybe it is but we don't see it. I dont' know.
Borrowed this book originally for book review- Beloved by Toni Morrison. Shook me back to the harsh reality. The cruelty of humans (I'm tempted to say cruelty of life... but I think of humans is much more accurate.) The innate stupidity. I think it's too complex for me to understand, n I don't want to put in the effort. But anyways =)
Need to thank all those people who pull me through... everyday... but most significantly when I'm on the verge of falling off that cliff :P And speaking of ppl... makes me think of herd instinct (arrggh Mr Ang!). Me feels guilty... because I'm always affected by it. But I'll learn. I'll try. I'll know. I'll find.